Happy New Year!!!!

New Year's Eve is always a day of reflection for me; the most bittersweet of all holidays. After 16 years of struggling with MS, my mother passed away on New Year's Eve when I was living in Arizona. Obviously, that is the "bitter". Since I always battled with my sadness and guilt on this holiday, Ted made the wonderful decision to ask me to be his wife a minute before midnight on New Year's Eve. Thus, the much needed "sweet". So, today I remember my mother and feel the sting of her absence while celebrating my marriage.

This year, I feel sad that my mom didn't get the opportunity to meet Max or enjoy being a grandmother. I know she would have loved him. But, it is hard to be sad with Max here showering me with smiles and laughter. He's been especially cuddly this afternoon with me; he must know that I need it.

The Great Foot Discovery

Max discovered his feet today, and now he can't stop himself from jamming them into his mouth. Of course, I had to take photos of him during this newest "phase".....

Mommy's Letter to Baby

I have started a new tradition on Christmas Eve. I decided that, since Max will not have any memories of these early Christmases, I will write him a letter every Christmas Eve for him to read when he gets older. It will give him a nice little insight into his world as a baby. Here's this year's letter:


Christmas Eve, 2008


Dear Max,


Daddy and I just put you to bed a few hours ago, and you seem to be sleeping well in your crib. I have been tempted to go check on you quite a few times, but every now and again I hear you “coo” or sigh, which gives me the reassurance that I need that you are ok and don’t require the interruption of me creeping into your room and placing my hand on your chest to feel it move up and down with your breath.

This has been the most amazing year, filled with inconceivable joys for Daddy and I. Last year at this time I was newly pregnant with you and was still wrapping my thoughts around the fact that there was a precious life growing inside my belly. This year, I am counting my blessings that you are healthy, happy, and such a good little boy. Daddy and I say to each other nearly every day how very lucky we are to have you. You were the most wonderful surprise we could imagine.

You aren’t aware of what Christmas or any holiday is yet, but soon enough you will be. This holiday, more then any other in my opinion, celebrates family and has some very important (and fun!) traditions that you will become familiar with as you grow up. More important then the presents, stockings, visits from Santa, and great food and sweets, are the laughs shared, hugs exchanged and the warmth from the love of family and friends that will encompass you. You are already so loved by so many wonderful people; you are a fortunate little boy.

Today I picked you up at daycare at noon and the joy of the holiday was apparent. The two women who take care of you every day, Miss Melanie and Miss Ann loved your reindeer sweater and your dress pants, and Miss Ann gave you some beautiful gifts that I will keep with this letter in your “Keepsake Box” that I have started for you. They both love you very much, and I expressed to them today how much Daddy and I appreciate them and the affection they shower you with daily. We are all lucky to have them.

When we came home, we napped until Daddy came home, and then he and I put you in some Christmas pajamas. You are so adorable in everything, but due to my love of pj’s, I think you are particularly cute in your bedtime clothes. We spent some time playing with you, and I am just amazed at how much and quickly you are learning. You are just starting to pick up small items by yourself, and it seems as though you will be able to sit up on your own in a matter of days. Every achievement is huge here; Daddy and I clap and yell “Yeah for the baby!” over and over day in and day out. You just seem so smart and you’re funny, too; you never run out of smiles and laughter. Daddy has a knack for making you giggle like no one else; I love watching the two of you together.

Before your birth this past July, Daddy and I had the tradition of spending Christmas Eve alone together; just the two of us. We would relax and have a huge dinner and talk about our life together. Tonight, it was just the three of us, and the tradition continued: we had a huge dinner while you slept soundly on the couch and we talked about our life together….with you. Our beautiful boy.

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day. We will go over to Pa and Nana’s house, and Aunt Cheryl, Uncle Mike and your cousins Julia, Olivia and Jack will be there. After an early dinner there, we will travel to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Aunt Kathleen, Uncle Eric and Aunt Laurin and your cousins Nick, David, Sean and Adam will also be there. It will be a busy day, but you will be squeezed and held and loved SO much that none of us will mind being tired.

I hope you enjoy your first Christmas, Max. I love you and Daddy more then anything in the world and can't imagine my life without both of you in it. None of us will ever know what you are dreaming about right now in your crib, but I hope you are having visions of sugarplums. I just heard you “coo” so I know you are safe and well, although I might creep up and check on you anyway…..

Love,
Mommy

Ready for Santa's Arrival

According to Norad (http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html) Santa is in Grytviken, South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands right now, and Max is eagerly awaiting his arrival. Below is a photo of Max's first note to the Big Guy in Red.

Looking Forward to Max's First Christmas

I am really excited about this Christmas. As usual, Ted and I are staying home and having a huge dinner and opening our gifts to eachother, which is always wonderful. This year we have the added joy of putting milk and cookies out for Santa, giving Max a bath so he is nice and clean for Christmas Day, and looking towards the next day with our baby boy. I'm sure he will have a blast on his first Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

A Night Out For Mom And Dad

It's been a long couple of weeks. Max has been sick and therefore has been back and forth to the doctor's, Ted has recently been diagnosed with the early stages of pneumonia and I am recovering from my own sinus infection (with a short-lived case of laryngitis). As my best friend Karen said so eloquently, it's like General Hospital around here. Add in the fact that we are in the process of moving my office which causes me to run back and forth from old to new spaces, pickout carpeting and wall paint, meet with contractors, electricians and phone installers, and I've been pretty busy. Ted has no coverage in his office right now, either, so he's been busy at his job and has been coming home a little later then usual and has no flexibility to go into work late. So, I've had to take Max to doctor's appointments which has taken quite a chunk of time out of my days recently. Don't get me wrong, he's worth it, but I've been exhausted.



So, I mentioned to Ted that I needed a night out, and he said that he would ask his parents if they could watch Max for a little while so that we could go to dinner at Le Jardin du Roi, the restaurant in Chappaqua, NY where Ted's brother Cristiaan works. It's a little out of the way, but we knew that if we went there we would get an outstanding meal, and that is definately what we were craving.



Ted's parents were, as usual, more then happy to watch the boy, and so we dropped him off and headed off to dinner. Cris treated us like royalty, and our meal was fantastic. I was SO stuffed by the time we walked out of there that I couldn't breathe. On the way back to pick up Max, I sat back and realized how good I felt. Just when my night felt complete, I looked up to the clear sky and I saw a shooting star. It was a wonderful evening.....

My Little Turkey

I think I've mentioned before what a big hit Max is with the ladies at daycare, but today was a really special example of that. The director called me with a question about his meds for the nebulizer, and she said that Max was having a good day. She mentioned that Miss Melanie, who takes care of him in the morning, had made him a turkey hat and that I would just love it.



When I picked him up at 5pm, Miss Ann told me that Max had an especially good day, which was wonderful to hear since we had a bit of a tough morning together with him spitting up numerous times causing me to have to change him a bunch of times. Anyway, I talked to Miss Ann for a little while and then asked to see this already famous turkey hat. She put it on his head and we howled with laughter. I instantly knew that I had to have a photo shoot when we got home, and here's the best of the bunch.....Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Sweet Potatos and Peas and Bananas....OH MY!

We've started to give Max a little bit of baby food in addition to his rice cereal and formula. So far he's tried and enjoyed prunes, bananas, carrots, sweet potatos and peas. This photo is proof that peas can be an effective fashion accessory....

He Has Bronchitis. Wait, no he doesn't......

Max has his first illness. He has been coughing for a while but since he didn't have a fever and he was his usual happy self, when I've called the doctors office they have dismissed me, clearly thinking that I am simply being a worrysome mother of a brand-spanking new infant. Call it mother's intuition, call it basic common knowledge, call it whatever you want, but I knew something was up.

On Sunday, November 2nd Max woke me at 3am howling and coughing. I ran into his room and he was in his crib kicking and punching the air and he was clearly unhappy. In the midst of having his diaper changed, he had a violent coughing fit. Noticing that he was turning a horrible shade of red which was quickly turning to a blueish scarlet, I scooped him up and ran downstairs to where we had the aspirator.

(This is a handy little tool for getting the snot out of an infants nose, and for clearing excess drool or mucous from their mouth. I don't know what I would do without it.)

Max was trying desperately to clear his throat and the coughing was heart wrenching. I sucked some of the mucous out for him, which seemed to help for a second, and then he started coughing violently again. Talk about scary!!! I woke Ted up and we both decided that this was getting to be too much to ignore. So, at 8 in the morning I called the doctors office to see what I should do. Luckily, the doctor who was on call from the practice had Sunday office hours, so they said they could see him a little later in the day.

Immediately upon walking into the room where Max and I were waiting, the doctor said, "Oh, yeah. He's got bronchitis. I can hear him wheezing from here!" So, he called in a prescription for ammoxicillin and a liquid form of albuterol and off we went.

About a week passed, and Max was still coughing up a storm and wheezing. A lot. So, I called the doctors office again and we were seen that same day. This time the doctor said that Max probably had either bronchiolitis or asthma, and they gave me a nebulizer to give him treatments at home. True to my little boy's wonderful nature, he takes it all in stride, but I have to admit that it is hard to see him with that little mask on his face....

He seems to be doing better now. Ted and I have been giving him treatments and his cough seems to be getting a little less "deep". Oh, and by the way, he is already close to 18 pounds....

Max's First Halloween

Max celebrated his first Halloween as a pea pod. The cutest darn pea pod ever!!!!

I brought him into school in his costume, and everyone there was just freaking out. I went to work, and we all tried to contain our excitement until I could go pick Max up, Theresa's mom came by with her sons, and Sabrina showed up with Emma. Theresa worked really hard to get the office looking festive, and Robyn made some great contributions including dressing up as a witch.

Everyone gathered at 4pm, and Max and Ethan were asleep by 4:15. Crazy party animals!!!

We had cupcakes, punch, 7 layer bars, popcorn balls with candy corn in them, mexican dip, sugar cookies and tons of candy. Theresa brought play-doh and construction paper and crayons to entertain the kids, and everyone seemed to have a ball. Around 5:30 we were all in our cars headed home and I'm sure everyone was as tired as I was!

Uh oh. This Sucks....

Max discovered his thumb tonight. I was getting him ready for bed, and had to grab a cloth from the bottom of the changing table. As my head was down, I could tell he was up to something: I could hear him cooing and "ah-goo"ing. When I looked back up at him, his thumb was firmly planted in his mouth. It was adorable, and he was clearly very pleased with himself since he was smiling from ear to ear. Now, since I've become a mom, I read pretty much everything I can get my hands on, and I think I've even done too much research. So, what "sucks" is the prospect of having to break Max of a thumb sucking habit, which I've read can be quite the challenge. Add that to my list of things that keep me up at night. Anyway, for the rest of the night he continued to try to get that thumb in his mouth. Here are some photos of one of the failed attempts.

I Get to Go Home Today!

I went to bed nice and early last night and now here I am, up at 530am Pacific time. I think I'm excited to go home! In a little while I'll shower, pack my things and head down to the conference for another stunning continental breakfast. Actually, yesterday they offered some chocolate coissants that were really delicious; they weren't on the same level as the pain au chocolat that we had in Paris, obviously, but tasty none-the-less. So, I'll eat some breakfast, do a little last minute schmoozing and head to the airport around noon. I'm anxious to get home and hold my little boy. Ted's been great about sending me multiple photos every day, but later tonight I get to smell his head and tickle those little toes. I can't wait!!!

Dreams....

Last night my mother met Max in a dream I had. Usually when I dream of her, she is healthy and active, so this dream was unusual for me in that she was clearly sick: she was unable to speak and was in her wheelchair.



I'm not sure about all the details, but I do remember that she was in a big, open, sunny, very nicely decorated living room sitting in her chair, looking very sad and lonely. I walked in holding Max and she slowly lifted her head and smiled. I brought him over to her and placed him in her lap, and grandmother and grandson's eyes met and exchanged smiles. Maybe this was her way of telling me that I'm doing an ok job raising him so far, or maybe she was just telling me that she's here with me, Ted and Max. Maybe it was just a dream that I hadn't had yet because I haven't slept very soundly since I had him. Whatever the meaning behind this, I woke up this morning feeling her close by. I cried a little, and now feel refreshed. I'm glad they "met".

Missing My Boys....

I had to leave my boys today and I miss them. A lot.

I am at a conference in San Diego for work; I left the house at 4am today and won't get back until Sunday morning at 1am or so. Early this morning before I left I crept into Max's room and kissed his little chubby cheeks, told him I loved him, and dragged myself out of the room and out of the house. I should mention that it wasn't easy to say goodbye to Ted, either.

It isn't that I don't think that Ted can handle things at home, mind you. I know that Max will have a great time with his Dad. Maybe I'm afraid that they won't miss me as much as I miss them. I am really trying to look at this positively, and I know that I need to be here for the good of my career, but it is difficult.

I have insisted that Ted send me a photo every day, and here's today's.....

Photo Op!!!

Life with Max creates a lot of photo ops, so I figure that I have two choices: hire a professional photographer to follow us around all the time, or have my camera around my neck 24 / 7.

Today when I picked Max up from "school" he was his usual smiley self. We listened to a Sirius Satellite Radio station geared towards kids, and as the cast from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" sang "Be Our Guest" I could hear Max cooing and even giggling a little. It was a good day, apparantly. We got home and I brought him up to his room to change his diaper and put him into his pj's a little early. Once he was set, it was my turn. I grabbed his monkey blanket and put him on our bed and went to take my contacts out. When I turned around to make sure he was ok, he was clutching the blanket and smiling away. He just looked so darn cute, that I couldn't resist running downstairs and grabbing the camera to take a few (read: 40) photos.

Here are the best of the bunch....

Our Night So Far....

Well, it's been interesting. We had a great night with him; he smiled and cooed all through dinner. He was honestly an angel. He was falling asleep in his Boppy downstairs, so I decided to take him upstairs, put him in his pj's, give him a nice big bottle and put him into the crib. It went really, really well. He smiled through his diaper change and was his usual helpful self as I put him in his Ralph Lauren pajamas: keeping his hand in a fist, straightening his arms and legs when I needed him to. Then he had about 3 ounces of formula and fell asleep in my arms. I kissed his noggin, wished him "sweet dreams", lowered him carefully into his crib and went downstairs. About 5 minutes later, Ted and I heard him moving around and then.....THE LOUDEST, MOST HIGH-PITCHED SHREIKS came out of that room. It was scary. Ted and I looked at eachother in horror, and then without a word we ran upstairs, clearing two steps at a time. Ted scooped him up, put his tear stained face on his shoulder and starting the soothing process. About 15 seconds into this, Max burped. Yep. He had gas. All that yelling over some gas. You gotta love kids.....

Growing Up So Fast!

I recently made the decision to start giving Max a little bit of rice cereal. I had done a ton of research about it, and although most of what I read said that you should wait until the baby is about 4 months old, I also found out that as long as you don't put the cereal in the bottle directly and keep the cereal really runny, it should be fine. So, why am I so anxious to give him cereal? Well, he just seems ready, I guess. I've given him little teeny tiny tastes of food here and there and he has responded very well, and his only real fussy time of the day is when Ted and I are eating dinner unless we include him and have him sit with us. So, it seemed like a good time to try something new with Max.

Daycare has been helping me introduce the cereal, and today I made it a little thicker then usual to see how he would do. See for yourself....

Say "Hello" to the Doctor, Max....

Today around 3pm the Director of the daycare called me at work and said that Max wasn't feeling well. She said that he had some nasty stuff in his diapers and he projectile vomited. So, of course I dropped everything and ran right over to pick him up. When I got there, Max was sound asleep in his crib. Everyone was very concerned about him, and said he had just fallen asleep, so I carefully picked him up as Miss Ann filled me in on what was up. Max and Miss Ann have a very special friendship; she always makes sure that he gets some fresh air every day, and he thanks her by showering her with huge smiles. So, when she said that he wasn't acting like himself, I knew something had to be wrong.

Max was out like a light and didn't stir at all when I put him in his car seat. He didn't make a peep on the car ride home, and I didn't see the blue of his eyes until we got home. When I went to take him out of his car seat, he gave me a huge smile and I was starting to think that he was fine and maybe is a big faker. I had already called the doctor and set up an appointment for 430pm, so I changed Max's clothes and off we went. I paid the co-pay and we were seen right away.

The nurse told me to get Max undressed and she weighed him and took his temperature. Here's the amazing thing....Max was 16 POUNDS, 10 OUNCES. Seriously, he's a big kid. His temp was fine, and in a few minutes the doc came in to check my boy. As he was looking into Max's eyes with the light, Max was smiling at him, so he said, "Hello, Max. Nice to meet you". That's when Max farted and laughed. It was hysterical. I was cracking up and the doctor thought it was "super". He said that it was the best thing that happened to him all day.

Anyway, once the odd introductions were over and he was done examining Max, he said that he was fine and, "dare I say....perfect". He was a little fussy at home tonight, but now he is sleeping soundly in his crib so all is well with my little boy's world again. Until the next time.....

Laughter is All Around...

Max likes to be involved when Ted and I are cooking or eating, so I usually put him in his bouncy seat on the counter and he smiles and coos at us as we mill about. We can't resist taking the time to smile back or wipe the inevitable drool off his face with his favorite "burpy". Tonight, something extraodinary happened. I was sitting at the island filling out forms that are due for an appointment tomorrow, and Ted was talking to Max and making him smile. All of a sudden, Max laughed. A big, hearty, "I'm so happy!" laugh. It was remarkable and just the sweetest sound! Tears welled up in my eyes as Ted and I hugged eachother in celebration of this major milestone. Now if I could only get him to say, "Mama"......

The Arrival of Max

I think it is only appropriate to make my first real post on this blog about Max's arrival. For those of you who already know the story, you can skip this posting and move onto the next one!

A lot of things were going on this past summer that were making me more then a little stressed. The travel agency I work for changed ownership, and my new bosses took the revenue from my department into heavy consideration when they decided to purchase Bokoff Kaplan Travel. So, I knew that I had to do well for them to keep them impressed. Easier said then done when you are just about to have your first baby and your co-worker's second child is due to arrive 2 weeks after! But, I vowed that I would do my best, and that's exactly what I did. With that in mind, I decided to work as long as I possibly could up until Max was born.

My original due date was the 22nd of July, but due to the gestational diabetes I wound up with, the doctors decided to induce me on the 15th of July. With this date in mind, I decided that my last day in the office would be Saturday, July 12th, but on the 10th I was just exhausted and, well, fat, so I left the office around 1pm and resigned myself to the fact that I would not be back in. I had a doctor's appointment the morning before and they really weren't happy about me working anymore and seriously suggested that I stay home until they induced me, anyway, so I figured that I would follow doctor's orders and try to relax a little.

I was so ready for Max to arrive, and I told Ted that we should do everything possible to get him out. So, I added a little crushed red pepper to my Boboli pizza we had for dinner, and Ted and I went for a short walk after we finished up. When we arrived back home, I got to the top of the stairs and felt a small push of liquid come out and the thought crossed my mind that my water may have broken. But, it really wasn't much, so I dismissed it, and spent some time relaxing on the couch with Ted before he had to go to bed. He had to be asleep early to cover the early morning shift for work, and I guess I had a feeling that something was up, so around 8pm I told him to get to bed just in case we had to head to the hospital. Sure enough, around 830 I got up from the couch and felt a much larger gush of water come out so I called the doctor, explained what was going on, and was told to head to the hospital so they could check to see if my water broke.

During the drive to the hospital which takes all of 5 minutes, my heart was racing. I knew deep down that this was it, and I would be seeing my boy soon. I wasn't in any pain, but as I waddled to the birthing center, I was feeling water come out in small pushes, and the baby seemed settled, like he was resting up before making his debut. The emotions were wonderful; I didn't know what to expect and I was scared but so excited and happy that I felt like I could jump out of my skin.

Sure enough, the doctor found that my water broke, and they got me set up in the hospital room with my gown and the fetal monitor and IV saline drip and I was settled in by 10pm. Ted went to get my bag from the car and call his parents, I called my Dad and texted some friends, and then I rested and waited for the contractions to come. And boy, did they come.....

Me, resting thanks to drugs.....

I wish I could tell you exactly what contractions felt like to me, but I just can't remember, other then they hurt. Bad. For the record, they do NOT feel like menstrual cramps "magnified". I had some kind of pain med given to me around 1 or 2 am, and then the epidural around 430am. The epidural did NOT hurt as much as I thought it would, quite honestly. After it was in, I told the anesthetiologist that he was my new best friend. I wasn't kidding!!!!! Thanks to the drugs, I slept a lot, and around 10 am I was ready to start pushing. I pushed and pushed for 2 hours before they realized that due to the epidural, I wasn't getting far enough along with getting the baby out. They sent Ted to go get lunch (hey....no fair!!!!!) and they "turned down" my epidural. Let's be serious here....they turned OFF that epidural!!!!! That's when the real pain started.

My siatic nerve was killing me, so the midwife Tyann suggested that I get on my hands and knees on the bed, which I did. Let me tell you something....you have NO shame after you've had your bare ass sticking up in the air while strangers are walking in and out of the room and you're trying to push a baby out of you.....

Ted got back from his lunch (he seemed annoyed and a little nervous that they had sent him away; it seemed as though he would have been happier staying with me) and they had me start pushing again. Ted was awesome; the best coach a girl could have. He was holding one of my legs and counting down each push evenly and calmly and he was so encouraging and loving that I really feel lucky to have him as a husband.

After a while, the midwife and nurse started practically yelling that they could see Max's head and it was full of the blondest blond hair. We had a mirror set up at the end of the bed so Ted and I could watch the delivery, and I couldn't see anything yet so I was getting frustrated. When I could finally see his head, the pain seriously kicked in and I wanted him out of me. I said to Ted, "I can't do it. Just tell them to get him out! Tell them to do whatever they have to do, but get him out. I can't do it." Of course, no one took me seriously, and they encouraged me to keep going and to push through the pain. Finally, at 2:34Pm, Max Keenan Lorson was born at 7 pounds and 9 ounces and was measured at 21 1/4 inches. He was beautiful, and MY!!! All that blond hair really was amazing!!!!

My little "bun" fresh out of the "oven"....


Wow. I couldn't believe I was someone's mother. ME!!! It was amazing, and frightening and wonderful all at the same time. Max slept most of that day and Ted and I just sat and looked at him for hours. Some friends from work came to see Max, and of course his grandparents ran up to hold him and love him.








We slept and ate well that night (Ted went out to get me a Big Mac...yum!), and then the following day we had more visitors. Ted's sister Kathleen, more friends from work, and my best friend Karen and her family, and my dear friend Matt all came to wish us well. He was a lucky little boy to have all that attention and affection!!!





Karen and Michelle


Matt

TheresaSabrina

Kathleen

On Sunday, we put Max in his going-home outfit and took the 5-minute trip back to our place. He looked so tiny in his car seat and I was really worried about how the cats would react to the new addition. They didn't seem bothered at all, really, so all was well. For the first few days being home, he seemed to have day and night confused, so he would sleep all day and then be awake and a little cranky at night. That eventually wore off, and Max and I settled into a good, although frequent and sometimes frustrating, schedule. I felt the pressure of being his only source of nourishment a lot, but Ted was great at encouraging me and convincing me to stay strong and not give him formula yet. We eventually did, but I breast fed exclusively for a good 3 or 4 weeks, so I was happy.

Anyway, now my boy is three months old and doing well. From here on in, I will give updates often about him and his milestones, so check back in!!!

The first post to this site.....

Ok, Ok, I know. I was HORRIBLE at keeping up with my posts when I was pregnant with Max. But, hopefully I'll do better now. I sometimes felt as though I complained A LOT in my writings about the symptoms of pregnancy, giving the wrong impression about how I was dealing with it. I loved being pregnant. Seriously. Once I found out I had gestational diabetes, I started thinking that writing about the day to day would seem whiney and a bit too clinical, so I just lost my gumption to keep adding posts.

So, here I am: a new mom of a beautiful, healthy and happy little boy named Max Keenan Lorson. (If you don't already know about how this name was chosen, you can go to my "old" blog at www.sheilasbabyblog.blogspot.com and read the entry about that....) I plan on using this space on the internet to record the everyday joys, trials, tears, fears and milestones that are inevitably going to consume me now. I'll start with an entry about Max's arrival on the 11th of July, 2008......